Got the idea to take the test from Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, by Cacioppo and Patrick, swiped the list of questions from here.

Whatever.  Couldn’t think of another place to put it, so here it is. I really need to get my act together in terms of what files are where

So, here’s a thought I had. Set up a time budget w/rigid beginning and end times for each particular activity and drop that activity at the end of the time I say I will, and move onto the next thing. And how would I do this? Of course by building some ridiculous Excel spreadsheet, keeping track of how I am ACTUALLY spending my time vs. how I am BUDGETING my time and then run some sort of comparison of the two. Somehow. With no coherent idea of how long it will take to set up the stupid spreadsheet(s), even less of an idea of how I would painlessly do the compare of actual vs. budget time, AND the knowledge in the back of my mind that I have a history of spending all this time fiddling around with this crap and then never actually use it.

That has certainly been the case with:

· The daily timesheet file – though I did use it for a bit, I gradually “forgot” about it. And, Christ, that was a bear to set up just the way I wanted it.

· The index cards I set up that supposedly tell me in general terms what I should be doing each day. I set them up and have never used them, to my knowledge.

· Blogging – I seem unable to even spend ten minutes three or four times a week recording the passing of my life. The fact that what passes for my life is nothing I really want to think about is certainly an issue there, but I lack the intellectual honesty to say to myself, “Close the fucking door on this,” you idiot. Nope, there’s a counter-element of curiosity, masochism or what have you that forever bars me from that honest declaration.

However, on a slightly more positive note:

· Remember the Milk – I do use it, though not as well or as thoroughly as I should. But it gets used, and at least some tasks get done that would not otherwise.

· Google Calendar – I have gotten pretty good at recording where I’m supposed to be and when I’m supposed to be there. Do the same for father and son, and is helpful there.

· Gnucash – Though I am really starting to hate this freeware package, I do typically sit down in front of it twice a week and record expenses, reconcile checkbooks and credit cards, even clumsily export data into a pseudo P&L and Balance Sheet. Not exactly every month, but close enough for government work. (Gnucash is well and truly nothing but hobbyist software. Don’t bother with it unless you’re familiar with programming in whatever language it is written in. Documentation= abysmal, installed reports = laughable; I didn’t realize any of this going in, and I guess I’m now sort of stuck. I sure as hell can’t customize my own reports.)t

· Goodreads – I’m recording books as I read them, and writing short reviews as I do so, generally. Used to do it on the blog, but that’s because I thought I was going to be writing long reviews. Which I do not and in most cases probably will not, ever again.

To be determined:

· Tracking Jobs – So far I’m doing a decent job with a google spreadsheet I’m using to see what resumes I’ve sent where and when, and also to note jobs on Monster.com or wherever even if I’m not going to send out a resume and cover letter immediately. But this is only about a week or so old.

So, I guess I don’t know what to do or how to proceed here. Okay, I’ve had the idea. The best approach I can come up for now is to pend it until tomorrow or maybe later today. I’d say I’d like to give it a shot, but past experience weighs heavily upon me here. And I just don’t see me and my pathetic VBA skills cranking out anything workable for less than a huge expenditure of time.

Meh. And the idea of “give it two hours and then decide” never seems to work in my case. If I start, I finish. Even if the effort involved would take a generation or two to reach some level of payback.

Having said all of the above, it still does not excuse my conduct. I should be making journal entries on Tuesday, Thursday, Satuday and Sunday. And should be throwing other crap in (book reviews, useless observations, etc.) on top of that.

So, shame on me. I shall have to try to do better.

As the dog returns to his vomit, so the fool repeats his folly. Prov. 26:11

I am actually in the process of grinding out an exceedingly odd document, one that I plan to use as a blueprint of sorts to approach, attack and ultimately be defeated by life. It has the trappings of a rather tedious video game, combined with my atrocious writing style. Doubtless it will be picked up far and wide on the internet, and endlessly recirculated. Or not.

But it is being written, and I hope to have the first essay, the “strategic framework” set up within the next two weeks. I honestly have no idea how long it will be, how satisfied I shall be at what I’ve written or even if I’ll bother implementing it. But, strangely, I feel as sure of its implementation as I do of its (and my) failure. At which point I can, well, at least claim to have given things the old college try, one final time. And then? Well, that it is a thought for another day.

And note that it is the first of what may be several different essays. Strategy, tactics, goals, Blank knows what else.

Beyond that, my life continues in its nauseating course. I do little, accomplish little, I’d say I withdraw, but that would be redundant. So, enough of that. I am tring to take seriously my commitments of time to do things like fill out my silly daily questionaires, or timesheets, and also to crank out 200 or so words what I hope to be four to five times a week. Blogging daily is too much, even if you say nothing. 

Dad is back in the hospital. I took him to his cardiologist today, and wound up spending five or six hours between his offiice and the ER. He has an infection in his feet, accompanied by swelling peeling and redness that looks rather like bruises. He has tried an oral course of antibiotics, and that utterly failed. So, back to the hospital he goes. Good (non-existent) Lord, I hope he hangs onto his feet. The poor man has suffered enough, but oddly wishes to go on living. He seems to hear the music of life that I have always been deaf to. 

But, whatever. That took most of my day, and a good chunk of the rest of it was taken up playing this stupid game.  I hope I quit once I get True Jedi, minikits and bricks for all levels But we shall see. Just too much damn time. And really so much else I should be doing. I hope I am not seized with the urge to go for the full 160. Ick. I’ve also been doing some reading, but nothing of any consequence. So I guess that is that for tonight. Will post some timesheets tomorrow. Saturday being a timesheet day. Boy do I hate doing those things.

Overall Rating

Daily Overview

Task Accomplishment, Checklists, Timesheets

Job Search

Emotion and other Worthless bits

Overall Rating

Daily Overview

Task Accomplishment, Checklists, Timesheets

Job Search

Emotion and other Worthless bits

Checklists, Timesheets

Yeah, will need to figure this part out as well. Here’s a thought: do journal entries onlhy on timesheet days? At least I could feel no guilt for skipping 3 days a week. Maybe will try that one.

Overall Rating

Daily Overview

Task Accomplishment, Checklists, Timesheets

Job Search

Emotion and other Worthless bits

Checklists, Timesheets

Overall Rating

Daily Overview

Task Accomplishment, Checklists, Timesheets

Job Search

Emotion and other Worthless bits

Checklists, Timesheets

I was actually a bit disappointed by this book. Just couldn’t get past the author making some sort of strange admission that this book “could not have been published during the ‘90s” somewhere or other, even though he also admits that the facts presented in the text were pretty much known then in the same way they are now. To me, this smacks of cowardice, especially since what could have been the worst that would have happened? A few smelly feminists screeching about his innate sexism or some such thing? Aren’t scientists, even social scientists, supposed to go where their data leads them, even if they’re not crazy about some empirical result or other? Well, not if you’re Baron-Cohen. Don’t rock the boat, don’t rock the boat, bay-bee, especially when there’s grant money at stake?

I guess a case could be made that Baron-Cohen is at least honest in his cowardice, which puts him well ahead of the rubbish you occasionally see about how “fearless” this or that scholar is being when they criticize  what they claim is the established order. Please. Books like that are part and parcel of the established order. But I digress, as usual. Anyway, after that admission I read the rest of the text with one eyebrow raised, wondering what OTHER bits contained pulled punches, conclusions that were watered down, etc. Couldn’t find any, since:

• its not like we’re reviewing his original research
• its not like I’m an expert in this topic (far from it in fact)
• I started to get bored at the way the same material was recycled from chapter to chapter, so skimmed a bit more than is my wont

But after that I wondered if this book is makes as strong a case as it could/should, or if some residual fear of causing offense is at work.

Anyway. Baron-Cohen’s main thesis is that male and female brains are, on average, quite different. And, I think, does a decent job proving it. Lots of bell curve type diagrams, discussions of which parts of each gender’s brain goes boing! when presented with a certain question or situation and even a chapter on the research done to discount most cultural influences on gender attitudes and a whiff of the same relating to gender abilities.

A female-type brain (E for Empathic) and a male type brain (S for Systematizing ) and since I’m now getting bored with this review, dear reader, I’ll just say that he seems to mean what you would think he would by the terms. Just note that it is quite possible for a man to have an Empathic brain and a woman to have a Systematizing one in his system, since he’s talking averages or means here. What we don’t find out: at one point a statement is made that with women certain verbal communication lights up both brain hemispheres, but only one in men. Is this female/male by gender or female/male by brain type? Inquiring minds would like to know. But won’t find out in this book. After all, a Systematizing brain that only lights up one hemisphere for whatever vs. one that does both seems like different beasts to me.

And, autism. Not really a huge part of the book, even though the new title (2007 or 2008) includes the term. (Sell more books with it or without it?) For what appears to be very much the same wine in a different bottle, if what I flipped through at Barnes & Noble is representative. Anyway, Baron-Cohen’s thoughts here incline him to conclude autism is a male brain taken to an extreme.  Which he sort of is able to prove, but I would say doesn’t make the strongest case in the world, either. And that’s about it.

And, if I can figure out how, I’m going to attach Scribd copies of my test results from the appendices. Interesting stuff, if only for how I seem to zig and zag:

• The first test (judging emotion from just a small rectangle  picture surrounding the eyes) I surprised myself and got a score in the average range.  I thought I was going to get about, oh, two right.
• The second test (empathy quotient) apparently puts me somewhere between a komodo dragon, and a great white shark in terms of empathy. I guess I missed my calling as a hit man. And well within what an Autistic would score.
• The third test (systematizing quotient) I actually scored only average/normal, well below what most on the spectrum would. Perhaps having Asperger’s makes that more likely?
• The last test (autistic quotient) has me being about as ASD as ASD can be. So I guess I get all the bad shit and none of the benefits. Yay, me. Though I suppose feeling no compulsion to watch dryers spin or whatever isn’t such a bad thing.

Well, if there is a way to embed, a Scribd document I’m too retarded to figure out. So I’m stuck w/a link.

Esssential Difference Appendices